Into the Desert

I remember an episode of iCarly in which one of the young protagonists wants to meet the "fattest priest alive."    When they finally arrange for her to meet him before he can even come on screen, you hear the floor give way, and he presumably falls.   No one ever actually gets to see this record-setting priest.  Without a laugh track, I would imagine we probably wouldn't even laugh at the poor man falling through the floor.    The funny thing is: that episode always makes me very introspective about myself.

Several years ago I wrote a blog about the number of calories I must consume to gain a pound of weight.  It reminded me that at my highest weight, I had wasted at least enough food to feed a child in a starving country for over a year.    That is not counting the amount of weight I had lost and regained throughout those years of yo-yo dieting.  The current numbers say that more than half the people in the western world are obese.   If my math is correct, that means that there is enough excess fat in the United States alone to feed 9000 children for a year. 

Abba John the short once said: "If a king wants to take a city whose citizens are hostile, he first captures the food and water of the inhabitants of the city, and when they are starving subdues them.  So it is with gluttony.   If a man is earnest in fasting and hunger, the enemies who trouble his soul will grow weak."   During class, a Priest once told us that he had an addictive personality.   I would describe mine the same way.   Throughout my life, I replace one addiction with another.    From computer games to photography.   Each thing taken up for a time and then left behind.

The one thing that has always held my attention and has always been less of an addiction and more of a solution is God and his Word.    When I immerse myself in the Scriptures, I find fulfillment to all those desires that my body tries to make me think I have. I find peace of mind and soul.  I am not free of my gluttonous desires.  I see inside those words, inside the Church that God has established for us, answers to how to be free.   

"Wouldn't it be great if we had no fat deacons?"   I heard someone say this at one point.  At first, I was offended!   I, after all, have been overweight my entire adult life.   What does it portray to us though? It reveals to us men of prayer and fasting.  If all Catholics around the world were to devote actual time to prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, we would change the world! 

It has to begin with me.  I know that.  There is an irony to a man as large as myself encouraging others to pray and fast.   I have tried this Lent to fast in many different ways.  From water fasting to eating only one meal a day.  Some days have been more comfortable, some have been harder than anything I have imagined.   Saint Anthony of the Desert reminds us that we must go to the desert to find the place of discipline in ourselves.  The desert is the place that Hosea tells us God wants to take us to as well.  "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." (Hosea 2:14 RSV-CE)

The desert is the place where Israel first encountered God.  It was their first intimate embrace, where the wedding covenant began, which Christ later fulfilled on the cross of Calvary.   He is our God, and we are His People.  That to me is what the right key is to learn to discipline ourselves.  It is returning to the place where we first met God, to those situations in my life where I encountered and relied on Him and Him alone.  The discipline of fasting allows me to remind my body that I don't need all of these things that my concupiscence tries causes me to desire.  Then I can truly listen for that still small voice crying out to me in the night. 

I am slowly learning to remove those things that get in my way of that desert experience.   I find some of the 'pruning' to be quite painful.  I got rid of my smartphone just recently after months of feeling a tug to do so.  It has not been pleasant.  I didn't even realize how much I was attached to this silly little cellular device.  What I have found though is a freedom I did not expect.  Will I go back to a smart device after Lent?   I am still unsure.  I am leaning towards no.  What I do know is that whatever I do, I will do it to grow closer to God. 

The sheep or the goats?

In the first reading for today, we see Moses receiving the Decalogue from God. These are the ten commandments. There are very few people that are not aware of the ten commandments. Even those who can honestly claim they are, have a natural understanding that things like murder, stealing, and cheating are inherently wrong. These are the bare minimum of what it takes to live together in harmony with one another and to show our love for God. Like any person trying to excel in their field though, the bare minimum isn't what we should be aiming for, is it? Jesus shows us in this parable in Matthew that we are to be aiming for love. He has expounded before that it isn't just not murdering, but not even hating. That if I entertain lustful thoughts I am as guilty of adultery as I would be where I actually to go out and do so. Our goal is to see every single person as an opportunity to encounter the image of God. The naked, the hungry, the thirsty, and those in prison. This list doesn't just mean those who are physically exposed, but also those who are spiritually vulnerable. Those who hunger for Christ in the Eucharist and do not know He is even there. Not just those physically incarcerated for crimes but those still chained in the shackles of sin. God calls us to do so much more than the minimum. Lent is a time to remind ourselves of this truth. It's an opportunity to find those who need spiritual and physical nourishment. A chance to extend the invitation to the most nourishing food available, the Eucharist. Both to those who have not received the waters of Baptism, those who are of another faith, and even those who have fallen away from the Catholic Church. If they are hungry, by all means, feed them! Clothe them! Give them drink! Then lead them to the sacred waters pouring from the throne of Jesus Christ. Lent is a time to remind ourselves that the bar is never the minimum. It is always higher than we can achieve alone. When we join ourselves to Him, to the Church that is His Body, then we can receive the Sacramental graces necessary to make a difference in this world. We are to seek out ways to apply the Gospel in love and kindness, leaving the Justice to the King Himself. That doesn't mean forgetting that sin exists. We should be all too aware of the reality of sin and of the spiritual battle we are fighting for our souls. What it does mean though, is reaching out as the hands and feet of Christ with mercy to those who are hurting just as much as we are. It has been popular in the last few decades to make fun of people for being "sheep." That's because sheep follow their shepherd. They listen and know His voice. Goats can be ornery and cantankerous. They do what they want, and they eat pretty much anything (even things that are bad for them.) Being one of the sheep who follows the Shepherd doesn't mean blind obedience, but it does mean listening to God's still small voice to help guide us through all the spiritual minefields we face in this life. Silence. How can we hear Him speak to us and tell us which side to stand on if we are surrounded by noise from screens, devices, and speakers? Take some time this Lent to silence the noise of the world and listen carefully for the Lord himself. A reflection on the readings for Monday of the First Week of Lent.

(click here for the readings)

Downgrading to Upgrade

Today was the First Sunday of Lent.  The readings speak of the familiar theme of Jesus going into the desert before beginning his public ministry.  In the desert, he fasted for forty days.  During that time Satan tempted him in ways that would have alleviated all of that suffering.   Satan even used scripture to try and get Jesus to fall into the trap.  Jesus always responded by using the rest of Scripture to show that God's will was not in align with Satans at all.  Satans was selfish; God's was love. 

As we journey into the desert this Lent we have to look and see what is between God and us.   Jesus consistently took time to go off alone in the silence to meet with God, to commune with Father.   In this world of screens and information, it's hard to find a moment's silence.   The internet is by far my worst crutch.  I have been using a computer on a daily basis since I was around eight years old.  When it comes to the willpower of just not doing it?  I fail miserably. 

So what did I do this year for Lent?   The same thing I did last year.   I significantly reduced my use of Social Media to spend that time instead with Jesus in prayer and meditation.   I realized last year though that my Smart Phone was a hindrance.  Instead of lowering my computer time I replaced it with blogs, bulletin boards, and silly games.  I took a drastic step.   I got rid of my smartphone.   I now carry an LG B470 flip phone. 

It doesn't do apps.   It barely will search the internet.  Texting is a pain.  There are so many things wrong with this phone that I could complain forever.  My first trip to town I realized that I couldn't check my calendar to see where I was supposed to be.   My habit of checking the Bank to see how much money we have before shopping is now something I have to remember before leaving the house.   Responding to email now has to wait until the evening or morning when I use my computer.
Why then am I feeling relief?   I have tethered myself to Christ.  I am no longer checking my phone every time it buzzes.   In a meeting, I have no need to look something up, either I remember it, or I don't.  I am not worried about getting likes or making sure to take a picture of my food before I consume it.  I have finished three books in just a few days and have gotten back on track for the time being with my prayer life.  This small change has made me wonder if I'll ever go back to being a smartphone user again.

The one thing that I have found myself blessed to be able to say is: "No I haven't heard about that!"  In a world where all of the information is at your fingertips, how much news did I not already hear?  How many conversations did I miss because I had already heard all about it or seen that meme ages ago?  My friend said to me in an email that I seem to care when someone is talking to me.  I don't want that go away.   So this is my Lent, my journey into the desert with Jesus, a mission to begin to listen to God speak to me not only in the silence but in each person I encounter. 

Technology is a powerful tool.  I am far from a Luddite.  I have even been called a technophile from time to time.  I think enhanced reality devices are the future.   The problem is we aren't enhancing our reality with smartphones.   Instead, we are replacing reality with images and false narratives.  Yes, this Lent I am putting down the phone so that I can see the real you.   The real Jesus in you!  Hopefully, somewhere along the road, you will be able to see him in me.
His servant and yours,
Brian Mullins

February 18th, 2018
First Sunday of Lent
Lectionary: 23
GN 9:8-15
PS 25:4-5, 6-7, 8-9
1 PT 3:18-22
MK 1:12-15

An Ill Fitting Suit

In today's first reading we begin to see the fall of the Kingdom of Israel from grace. Solomon started taxing the people tremendously and working them harder and harder to keep up with his lavish lifestyle. His Harem was so enormous that it numbered in the thousands. Those women were not just children of Israel but Gentiles as well. The Israelites had a long-standing rule not to marry or associate with people outside of their own precisely because it often led to concessions in the faith. Solomon began to make those small changes until eventually, he was building altars for foreign gods for his wives to worship their way.
The kingdom fell, and that eventually led to the captivity in Babylon. A divided Israel was unable to defend itself. The people were taken once again as slaves to a foreign kingdom. When King Cyrus let the Israelites go back to their homeland and begin rebuilding Jerusalem, they did not forget the past. Those people who were not of Israel were taboo. Even those Israelites who decided they liked it in Babylon and did not return to Jerusalem were outcasts. Them. The other. Out of fear for another captivity and an attempt to remain in a pure relationship with their God, they became even more xenophobic.
That makes the scene in today's Gospel that much more pronounced. Jesus reminds her that he has come to save the Israelites, to offer them the Kingdom first and all that comes with it. Her faith though moves him to compassion. He extends his power, not with some mystical and magical touch, but through time and space to heal the daughter wherever she may be. Jesus shows us that the Kingdom will include all people. The walls of hatred and division will be thrown down. Racial heritage will no longer matter. All people will have the opportunity to be invited to the wedding, and all can receive the healing that Christ comes to offer.
It's not as simple as that though. In the parable of the wedding feast, Christ reminds us that we must begin by getting dressed for the wedding. What kind of garment should we be looking to find? I was just trying on the suit from our wedding 11 years ago. It's huge! It doesn't fit well. I'd have to have it tailored and drawn in if it's even possible. The suit we need for the wedding though is one that conforms to the image of Christ. It's Christ himself. We have to be washed by the blood of the lamb and begin to try and live our lives in emulation of Him.
How can we do that in this world of temptations and trials? Through the Sacraments that He established to give us the grace necessary to live a life of virtue. That is the life God created us to live. That is the garment we need to be wearing! The more we grow in relationship to Christ, the more we receive Him in the Sacraments, the more we become like him. Then we can safely enter that feast at the end of our lives where He will say, well done my good and faithful servant. A reflection on the readings for Thursday of the Fifth Week in Ordinary Time. February 8th, 2018. Lectionary: 332 1 KGS 11:4-13 PS 106:3-4, 35-36, 37 AND 40 MK 7:24-30

Why do we do these things?

I see many people criticize the Church. They claim that all of the rules are 'manmade' and that none of this outward stuff can make a difference. That's not what Jesus had to say about the matter. Jesus instructed the people about the Scribes and Pharisees, saying: "The scribes and the Pharisees have taken their seat on the chair of Moses. Therefore, do and observe all things whatsoever they tell you, but do not follow their example. For they preach, but they do not practice." (Matthew 23:2-3 NAB) He then went on to establish Peter his 'Prime Minister' to guide his Church until the day when he returns.

How then are we to take this reading from the Gospel today in which Jesus says: "Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person, but the things that come out from within are what defile." (Mark 7:14-15 NAB) If nothing that enters me from the outside can defile me, then nothing from outside can make me Holy either. What Jesus came to destroy was not religion itself, but the hollow practice of it that does not involve an internal change.

The Pharisees knew what to do, and they did the external things, but their hearts never changed. They made up all these rules that were hard to follow, and they had the authority to do so and then didn't live up to them in their own lives. That's why Jesus called them "whitewashed tombs." In public, they gave the appearance of men who had been reformed by the love of God, but internally they were still the same hateful men they had always been. Often using the law itself to avoid doing the good they knew to do.

How then should we live our lives? Solomon was the wisest of all men. His kingdom was the most prosperous kingdom in the Israelite history, rivaling even that of his father, David. It was when Solomon began to pull his heart away from God toward other things that it all started to fall apart. Civil war broke out and the kingdom fell apart. Our own lives will do the same. As long as we put God first, everything will be as it should be. When we allow anything to get in the place that God should be, our soul becomes a battleground. It's not a battle we can win on our own.

That's why Jesus gave us the Sacraments. That is why God gave us a Church. A place of refuge in this war where we can gain the strength and grace we need to continue fighting. Then he gave us Sacramental signs to use in our daily lives. Sacred Scripture, the sign of the cross, holy water, the rosary, and scapulars to name a few. These, however, are not magic amulets or incantations. When we use them, we must also have a change of heart, a metanoia. That's what Confession is all about. That is also what the season of Lent reminds us to do. Are you thinking about that yet? How can you change the inside so that when we do these external signs and symbols, when we receive the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, we can get out of the way and let Him change us?

A reflection on the readings for Wednesday of the Fifth Week in Ordinary Time Lectionary: 331

1 KGS 10:1-10 PS 37:5-6, 30-31, 39-40 MK 7:14-23