Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Spinning out of control

The past few days have been hectic for me, but I am sure they have been even more stressful for my wife and the kids.   School is starting soon.  That means band camp, volleyball practice, school shopping, and all the various other things that go on to prepare for that.  On top of that, the internet has been acting funky and the cable guy/gal was scheduled to be here today.  That meant I needed a clean house.   I still have this phobia of letting people in without it clean.  So for a few days they've been doing laundry, washing counters and mopping floors.  I was a foreman when working and even to this day I feel the need to tell people what to do, to be in control.

It's hard to relinquish control, isn't it?   To give up everything to God to allow Him to be the one in charge?  How often I think that I know better.   If I were to do this, I'd do it this way.  This moment would be perfect if.... my spouse my be better if.... prayer time would go better if... The thing is, every moment, every person, every thing in our life... is a gift from God.  It is a seed that He has given us.  A seed to be nourished, planted, germinated.... to grow.   In order for that to happen it must be sown... it must be given over to God.  It must be allowed to change, to grow, to die to itself and be transformed.   That means letting go of control... to stop grasping and holding on to what was, and letting God give us what is to be.   Something better.. something we might not be able to see.

Saint Lawrence was an amazing example of a man who was able to do this.   He sold everything that was left after seeing the Pope martyred and then went to be grilled alive.   While they were cooking him over open coals he said something to the effect of "turn me over this side is done."    The modern mine would call this a waste, a tragedy.  A loss.   It was a seed.  A seed that must be prepared to die that something more beautiful could grow out of it.  Saint Lawrence's death while sad and tragic, was the leading cause of the conversion of the entire city of Rome.  Out of his death came life.  Just like a seed in the ground dies but then grows into something beautiful... we must die to our plans, and grow into Gods.

So that is the challenge I believe in today's readings.   To ask ourselves, Where am I holding back?   What am I holding on to?  What has God given me that I am not ready to let go back to Him?  It's easy to give him that which is going wrong isn't it?   To say God this is horrible in my life, I'm giving it to you.. offering it up!  What about the good things?   God my relationship is perfect with this person... but if it's not your will, then your will be done.     That's a bit harder.... To give him myself?  My memory?  My intellect? My will to do with as He pleases?  That I work on.. but to give over control of my family?   My heart?  To be willing to suffer and die... or God forbid.. to watch others suffer and die?  Am I ready to do that and still praise God?  As I watch a dear friend going through the loss of her mother, I wonder... how would I react?  Lord, help me to be the man you've created me to be.

His servant and yours,
Brian

"He must increase, I must decrease." 

A reflection on the readings for The Feast of Saint Lawrence: August 10th, 2016.    Corinthians 9:6-10; Psalm 112;  The Holy Gospel according to Saint John 12:24-26