Who am I?

A Reflection on the Readings for the 12th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year C.

Zechariah 12:10-11; 13:1
Psalm 63
Galatians 3:26-29
Gospel of Luke 9:18-24

Many years ago a dear friend of mine and his wife lost a child.  It was a heart wrenching experience.  I tried to be there for him, tried to comfort and be a true friend.   I did not know what to say.  I did not know how to handle it.  I had never been through that experience and while I did try to understand and emphasize, I truly could not know what he was going through.  I remember him asking me if I wanted to hold her.  She was like a porcelain doll.  Her features etched and fine, premature but there was no doubt in my mind that she was beautiful.  I still to this day remember holding that child and sobbing inside.  Years later, after having lost a child of our own to miscarriage I understand even more.  I know that the heart mourns the life it has not had a chance to live.  My heart still aches to this day, and while I am comforted to know that I have a young Saint in Heaven who is praying for me and watching over me, I still long to see him.  I still find myself in tears sometimes, mourning the loss when some scene comes on the TV or I see a child playing.

In the first reading today we see that same grief.  Written over 500 years before the birth of Christ, we as Christians see a clear prediction to the Passion of our Lord.  "They shall look on him whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn for him as one mourns for an only son, and they shall grieve over him as one grieves over a firstborn."   The mourning that day will be as great as one of the  'worst days' in Jewish history, the day when one of the greatest kings of their time had fallen in battle.  I was just watching the movie Risen (2016) again last night.  I am struck by the scene at the foot of the cross where the guard says "surely this man was innocent."  His acting was amazing in my mind.  You could see the confusion, the terror, the understanding.  The responsible Psalm captures his emotions in a simple way: "My soul is thirsting for you, O Lord, my God."   As God Himself hung before him on the cross, with water and blood pouring from His side to form the Church that would fulfill that longing by bringing us face to face with our God in the Sacraments, his mind reeled with confusion as that longing and restlessness was confronted with divinity.

St. Augustine said it well when he said "Our hearts are restless, until they rest in thee O Lord." 

In the Gospel we see Jesus asking His disciples the simple question that should resound in all of our hearts, just as it resounded at the foot of the cross: "Who do you say that I am?"   St. Paul talks in the reading from Galatians about being clothed in Christ.  How can we claim to be clothed in Him if we do not know Him?  And how can we claim to know Him if we do not have a relationship with Him?  If I told you I love my wife and family and know them well, and you asked well how is your wife... and I responded "I dunno, I haven't talked to her lately."  You'd say this man is crazy!  He doesn't know his wife?  How can he claim to love her if he doesn't even speak to her?  Doesn't spend time with her? Doesn't know what makes her tick?  Doesn't at least listen and care enough to be present to her?   And so it is with Jesus, we have to get to know Him.  We have to spend time with Him.  We have to learn to do the things He loves,  learn to avoid the things that He dislikes, and above all learn to spend time with Him.

That means two things in my mind: A Sacramental life, and living out Matthew 25.  Whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me.   Today we listened as Father Moses from the Missionaries of Saint Paul speak about doing just that.  He talked about celebrating Mass in make shift shelters, performing things normally done by nurses and doctors because a life was at stake, feeding the poor, comforting the sick, giving clean water to the thirsty.  He spoke of times when he smelt the flesh of those burnt by Boko Haram and had to minister to those burnt, maimed and harmed by them.   It wasn't till his last story that I began to cry though I was close the entire time.   When he spoke of a woman who walked up to him and said, "Father I loved your story.  I do not have money to give you, but can I give you a hug?"  That alone was enough to make me emotional but his response was amazing:  He said it was such a powerful gift because he carries his ministry in his heart, so when she hugs him, she hugs all those in need, all those he has served.. the women, children, the poor, the destitute, the refugee, the indigent, all those Christ speaks of in Matthew 25.

Then the King will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, O blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’  Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see thee hungry and feed thee, or thirsty and give thee drink?  And when did we see thee a stranger and welcome thee, or naked and clothe thee? And when did we see thee sick or in prison and visit thee?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me.’ - Mathew 25: 34-40

That's what it means to be a disciple of Christ, to truly be clothed in Him.  It means carrying Him in your heart and all those He cares about.  It means being so immersed in your love and service for others that when they see you, they see through you to the Christ you have been in a relationship with you.  Christ in the Sacraments gives us the strength to go out and share grace with Christ in the stranger.  Are you holding Him in your heart in such a powerful way?  Are you ready to be so united with Christ that you allow Him to not only take you into the Tabernacle with Him in the Eucharist, but to make you into a living tabernacle that goes out into the world to share Him with others?  Jesus has the poor, the meek, the mourning, the hungry, the merciful, the pure of heart, the peacemakers, and the persecuted with Him, they are with Him always.. are you with them? Not all of us are called to be missionaries, but all of us are called to be disciples, to serve where we are.. to bloom where we are planted.   Are you blooming?  Will He find you when He comes with fruit?  Or will He find you not dressed for the wedding?

His servant and yours,
Brian

"He must increase, I must decrease." 

In season or out of season?

This morning at Mass the Gospel reminds us that even Jesus sometimes is in a bad mood.  As he walked in the morning hours, hungry and irritable, he came upon that poor fig tree.   It hadn't produced any figs.  Granted it wasn't the 'season' for figs, but that didn't stop Jesus from cursing the tree. This tree was acting like every other tree in the world.. just doing what all the other ones were doing.  Deacon Bill calls this story a parable in action.   Just like the stories that Jesus often tells to teach us spiritual messages, this action of his and it's results is in and of itself a lesson to be learned. All too often we want to wait till the time is ready by our standards, we want to be in control.   "I'll have kids when we can afford it."  "You know I'll get cleaned up when things get easier."  "I'll stop smoking after this audit is complete."  "I just need a few more drinks to get me through this month."  Jesus shows us a simple truth, God expects us to be ready "in season and out of season."   He wants us always producing fruit, regardless of what is going on around us... regardless of if we feel like it.  He wants us to be different.. not following the flow of things of the world, but of the things of Heaven.

There is a tree in my front yard that reminds me of this parable.   A few years ago a friend of mine lost her son to a drug overdose.  I noticed that afternoon that the tree was only getting leaves on half of it's branches.  Today it stands much the same with half of it looking pathetic, and half of it healthy and green.  The bark on the side that does not bloom is riddled with holes and falling off, and on the other side strong and firm.  It was as if that tree lost part of itself.  I wrote a poem about that, how that losing someone can be like that... like losing half of your self.. losing your way.  That tree is still plugging away trying, even if it doesn't feel like it.. even if seems like the world is against it, some disease eating away at it trying to sap it's strength.. it still struggles to find breath, digging in it's roots until it finds the nourishment it has to keep going.

CCC 1832 The fruits of the Spirit are perfections that the Holy Spirit forms in us as the first fruits of eternal glory. The tradition of the Church lists twelve of them: "charity, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, generosity, gentleness, faithfulness, modesty, self-control, chastity."

You and I are called to be like that.   Regardless of the pain and suffering we might endure.   Even if the entire world turns against us, father against son, mother against daughter, friend against friend; we are called to continue to produce fruit.  Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. We are to bloom where we are planted and to produce those fruits.   Peter reminds us in the first reading that the greatest of all these fruits is love, because love produces all of the others.  He challenges us to let our love for another be intense.   Another translation says let your love be fervent.  That is hot, burning and glowing!  Visible.  Apparent.  On the surface not just under it.

My wife and I have been married for ten years today.  For all of those years she has stood by my side, even when pain and illness made it impossible for me to stand as well.  She watched and cared for me as I had my back surgery and through the long, tedious recovery.  When I had my knee operated on, through many kidney stones, and days in which the pain was so horrible that I did not even move from the couch.  All through this she showed a fervent love, a love that bloomed and produced fruit regardless of how I treated her back.  There have been times when it wasn't smooth sailing.  Every couple argues at some point, every couple disagrees.  The thing is I don't remember those times as much.   When I think back I remember that kindness, the laughter, the smiles, the patience, and the trust.

1642 Christ is the source of this grace. "Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony." Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another's burdens, to "be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ," and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love. In the joys of their love and family life he gives them here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb: How can I ever express the happiness of a marriage joined by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels, and ratified by the Father? . . . How wonderful the bond between two believers, now one in hope, one in desire, one in discipline, one in the same service! They are both children of one Father and servants of the same Master, undivided in spirit and flesh, truly two in one flesh. Where the flesh is one, one also is the spirit.

I think that's why Jesus reminds us today that sometimes we've got to turn over the tables that get in the way.  Every relationship has rocky moments.  For some, that means walking away.  I've heard hundreds of people say "we just fell out of love."  That does happen.   It happens when you let the tables get in the way, when you let the money changes fill up your temple, when you let the roots starve your growth until you produce none of the fruit.  Love isn't just a sappy feeling that makes you have butterflies in the stomach.  It's a choice. An action.  It's deciding each and every day to stand by someone, even when they aren't pleasant.  It is being willing to fight for the beauty that is the person you are and the vocation you are called to.  You are the temple of God.  You and your spouse are one, joined together by a Sacrament that transcends this visible world.  Are you willing to fight for it?  To dig in your roots and continue to bloom even when it seems like the bark is falling off and the ground is filled with rocks?  Are you ready to look into your heart and life and ask where are these money changes and tables that stand in the way of my relationship with God and my spouse?  That's what it takes to produce fruit.  I haven't always been the perfect husband, and there are many days that I am not a pleasant man to be around... but I do know this.. I want to turn over those tables, to drive out those things which inhibit me from producing fruit, and to grow day by day into the man and husband that God is calling me to be.

His servant and yours,
Brian

"He must increase, I must decrease."