Spinning out of control

The past few days have been hectic for me, but I am sure they have been even more stressful for my wife and the kids.   School is starting soon.  That means band camp, volleyball practice, school shopping, and all the various other things that go on to prepare for that.  On top of that, the internet has been acting funky and the cable guy/gal was scheduled to be here today.  That meant I needed a clean house.   I still have this phobia of letting people in without it clean.  So for a few days they've been doing laundry, washing counters and mopping floors.  I was a foreman when working and even to this day I feel the need to tell people what to do, to be in control.

It's hard to relinquish control, isn't it?   To give up everything to God to allow Him to be the one in charge?  How often I think that I know better.   If I were to do this, I'd do it this way.  This moment would be perfect if.... my spouse my be better if.... prayer time would go better if... The thing is, every moment, every person, every thing in our life... is a gift from God.  It is a seed that He has given us.  A seed to be nourished, planted, germinated.... to grow.   In order for that to happen it must be sown... it must be given over to God.  It must be allowed to change, to grow, to die to itself and be transformed.   That means letting go of control... to stop grasping and holding on to what was, and letting God give us what is to be.   Something better.. something we might not be able to see.

Saint Lawrence was an amazing example of a man who was able to do this.   He sold everything that was left after seeing the Pope martyred and then went to be grilled alive.   While they were cooking him over open coals he said something to the effect of "turn me over this side is done."    The modern mine would call this a waste, a tragedy.  A loss.   It was a seed.  A seed that must be prepared to die that something more beautiful could grow out of it.  Saint Lawrence's death while sad and tragic, was the leading cause of the conversion of the entire city of Rome.  Out of his death came life.  Just like a seed in the ground dies but then grows into something beautiful... we must die to our plans, and grow into Gods.

So that is the challenge I believe in today's readings.   To ask ourselves, Where am I holding back?   What am I holding on to?  What has God given me that I am not ready to let go back to Him?  It's easy to give him that which is going wrong isn't it?   To say God this is horrible in my life, I'm giving it to you.. offering it up!  What about the good things?   God my relationship is perfect with this person... but if it's not your will, then your will be done.     That's a bit harder.... To give him myself?  My memory?  My intellect? My will to do with as He pleases?  That I work on.. but to give over control of my family?   My heart?  To be willing to suffer and die... or God forbid.. to watch others suffer and die?  Am I ready to do that and still praise God?  As I watch a dear friend going through the loss of her mother, I wonder... how would I react?  Lord, help me to be the man you've created me to be.

His servant and yours,
Brian

"He must increase, I must decrease." 

A reflection on the readings for The Feast of Saint Lawrence: August 10th, 2016.    Corinthians 9:6-10; Psalm 112;  The Holy Gospel according to Saint John 12:24-26

We've made a stellar start to find the jungle's heart

Many years ago, before my spinal fusion, I worked as an electrical foreman.  I helped supervise crews that did the electrical, fire alarms, security systems, etc for moderate size commercial installations.  Everything from Hospitals to Wal-Mart super centers.  One of the things I noticed about some foremen was the tendency to stay in the office looking at the plans all day.   They would only come out to assign work to their crew and then back to the air conditioning they would go.   I never felt comfortable doing that.  My father had raised me to believe that one should never ask another to do something that you yourself wouldn't do.  So the first thing I usually did on a job was build a print table so that I could have the prints right out there on the construction site.   I'd work right alongside my men as much as possible, though much of the time I'd get interrupted before I could get anything substantial completed.

I think though the fact that I was right there with them, right there digging ditches side by side, running conduit, pulling wire... I think those things showed the men I worked with that I did not think I was better than they were.  I didn't use my title, my paycheck, my position... to try and make them into something less.  Rather, I was one of them. I ate with them. I would sit around a fire with them at night listening to music.  I'd throw back a beer and join in the story telling.   It was a beautiful time.  I often wonder how different things would have been had I been the other kind of foreman.  If I had never built those bonds of friendship, never allowed myself to be seen as just another guy on the team.   Would production have gone up? Or down?  Would I have made more money?  Would I have been able to live with myself?

In tomorrow's Gospel for daily mass we see an encounter with Christ.   This mother wants the best she can get for her children.   She wants them to be in positions of honor, authority, power.   The other disciples grow indignant.  How dare they ask for this power!?  How dare they crave the honor that the others felt they would want instead.  If you look at the surrounding text in Scripture, this isn't the first time this discussion has come up.   They were just arguing about it the last time that Jesus had predicted his death.  "Hey guys I"m going to Jerusalem to die."  "umm, which one of us is going to be in charge?"  Jesus reminds them of his own model of leadership, that of the servant leader.

"You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and the great ones make their authority over them felt. But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you shall be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave. Just so, the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many."

We as Christians are challenged to not Lord it over others that we have authority.  How many of us sometimes make that mistake?  Sometimes we fall into that pit of believing that our piety, our works, our discipline.. that those things we do make us better than another.  We though, are challenged to serve the other, not to rub it in that we are better.   We must be in the ditches digging with them.  During Lent that is a powerful reminder of the things we are called to: prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.  Are you in the trenches helping your fellow men?  Are you out doing those things that you would ask them to do?  That's a call to authentic catholic life.  You can't tell someone else that they need to straighten up if you yourself are living a life of sin.  You can't say I want you to fast and give alms, if you yourself aren't doing the same.  How hypocritical of us, to have the skeletons in our own closets where light never reaches but somehow feel entitled to pick the lock of someone else's storage shed.

No, Jesus calls us to examine our own eye first.  Look for our own logs... before worrying about someone else's speck.  Our hearts are revealed in our words and deeds.  Jesus told us that where our treasure is, there our hearts will be also.  That very statement can apply to the innermost recesses of our emotions, to the things that hang in the background like a dark cloud that is about to burst into rain.  If our heart is in the wrong place, if our intention is not to edify, uplift, and aide another person... then we aren't in the ditch.  We are sitting comfortably in our air conditioner asking them to do more than us, asking them to become like Christ while we are far from that goal ourselves.   That's what Lent is about.  It's about getting out of the air conditioner.. out of our comfort zone... out of our own self centeredness.. and into the battlefield.  To reach our hand to our fellow human beings and saying "I am not perfect.  I don't have all the answers... but I know this man named Jesus Christ.   My life is better having known him.  He has taught me how to be happy.  I think he can teach you too."  It's about becoming a signpost that points to Christ.  Too often we become a sign that only points to Hell.... and while knowing about Hell is important, I think fixing our vision on Gehenna is falling short of the true message of the Gospel.

So as we journey together through the desert in this jubilee year of Mercy, let's begin to ask ourselves:

• Am I living out the beatitudes?

• Am I growing in the cardinal virtues?

• Am I pointing to Christ? If not, to whom am I pointing?

• Is there anything standing in my way, between me and God?

• Is there anything then between me and my fellow man?

• How can I work on whatever I discover to be more like Christ?

Like the mother in the story, every day is an opportunity for an encounter with Christ.   He has asked the disciples, "Can you drink the chalice that I am going to drink?"   Now in turn he is asking you, "Can you?"  Are you ready to pour yourself out like a libation for your fellow man?   To die to yourself that they might be united to the father?  Is this cup that Christ is offering you one you crave?  All of his disciples, save one, did indeed drink from the cup of martyrdom.  Are you prepared to do the same?  I don't know about you, but it's a frightening thing to think of the cross that Christ is offering us.  Lord help us to find the strength to say with your disciples: "We can."


His servant and yours,
Brian

"I must decrease, he must increase."

Are you ready? Are you sure?

A documentary I just watched talked about the beatitudes. How that each one called us to a further detachment from the world, and a radical attachment to God. Then it spoke about how happiness, true happiness, was doing God's will... All of that I believe and have thought of on some level...  In fact, detachment is such an appropriate word for how we as exiled children of God should see this world.

I believe sincerely that God created each man with a spiritual void in his heart, one that can only be filled when we are in communion with our God. Just like those little blocks we had as kids, with the ball or cube that had a hole for each one. The star went in the star shaped hole, the block went in the block shaped hole, the triangle in the triangle shaped, etc. We as humans often try to fill that hole with something other than God.. and just like when we were kids sometimes we could shove the triangle into the square shaped hole.. but it had to be beaten in.. and it never stayed comfortably. Sometimes we even had to dig and pry to get them back out.

Thomas Aquinas said there were four attachments in this world that we usually try to fill the void of God in our hearts with. Wealth, pleasure, power and honor. Four of the beatitudes (the negative ones) deal directly with those four things.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3) (wealth)

This one reminds us to not be attached to material things. It is not necessarily a call to radical poverty, nor a demonization of wealth. It is though a reminder that love for money is an evil, and that we must have the right attitude with money. We must be detached from it so that if we are blessed with it, we can reach out and bless others with it. We must have a radical gratitude that makes us want to share that blessing with others. Not so very common in our society.

“Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4) (pleasure)

Here again we see a powerful call to detachment! A detachment from pleasure. So often we think that we have to be comfortable, we have to be happy all the time. We then go out and try to take things in this world and make them make us happy. This doesn't mean that we have to be dour and taciturn, on the contrary, it means that when we are detached from personal pleasure we can begin to see pleasure in our lives by doing things for others, and by serving God. That we can be happy, comforted even, when we are suffering! That we can follow the will of God, even when it means suffering, without fear but with joy!

“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land” (Matthew 5:5) (power)

Ah, in this video by Fr. Barron he described this in such a powerful way. That only when we are weak do we truly have power! Only when we are detached from wordly power, when we are meek indeed, can we get out of the way of God and let him work through us. As he phrased it, free from the addiction to ordinary power — you can become a conduit of true divine power to the world.  Think about that for a moment... we, mere humans, can become a conduit of grace into the world. When we are no longer seeking power... we then can be channels for divine power... wow!

“Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:10) (honor)

The most difficult at all, at least from my perspective. It seems like society calls out to us to have 'honor'. They tell us to strive our best, to always come in first! Our society is so consumed with the concept of honor, that we even give trophies to the ones who come in last or ribbons to those who don't even try. How wonderful a person we must be when we can forget honor, forget reocgnition, forget our own personal comforts and desires.. and put God first? When we can go do whatever God asks, even when that path involves being ignored, dishonored, and, at the limit, persecuted


All of that above is powerful! It's amazing in it's simplicity! It points to Christ as our ultimate example. It's all something that I have pondered in my own words already in my life, though not as vividly or as beautifully as he phrased it. It was the next part of the video that blew me away. The next part that challenged me to be a better Catholic.. to be a better human being. I know we must be detached. I know we must put things in their right context and put God first... but look at this image:

Fr. Barron then contended that the man on the cross, is the ultimate example of the beatitudes. I have  for the last few years of study always concluded that Jesus was indeed the way to live the beatitudes.. his life, what he stood for, his words.. his actions.. But the image in my mind was always the 'happy' Jesus. The laughing man surrounded by children, the loving man breaking bread for 5000+, the praying man with his head covered in linen... all of these was the Jesus who was living the beatitudes to me...

But there he is.. the man.. the God... completely detached from all things. Wealth? He doesn't even have clothing! Power? He's nailed to a cross, he can't even move to defend himself... Pleasure? If you've seen the Passion of the Christ you and both know there can be no pleasure on the cross.. his broken body bleeding out, his torn flesh pressed against the splintering wood! His lungs gasping for breath, forcing him to pull himself upwards to breath.. all the while pulling his nerves against the nails of his hands... His worn and aching body hanging in the sun.. with nothing to drink, no comfort to be had.. no pleasure.. Honor? The soldiers were mocking him, he had been spit on, beaten and bloodied. He was suffering the death reserved for the most heinous of criminals.. for the murderers, rapists, and scoundrels. There was no honor in the cross.. at least on the surface...

So this man here had nothing left. He had none of the four shapes to drive into the God shaped hole in his heart, in his flesh.. but he didn't need it.. because there he hung on the cross.. doing the will of God.. He didn't need any of that, because the flesh that was human just like yours and mine, the human heart that needed something in it to be complete, that part of all of our human flesh that calls out to God for completion... was already complete... he already had God in his heart.. not just because he was God.. but because this man, this messiah... gave his flesh over completely to God's will.

There he hangs.. on the cross. A happy man... Are we strong enough to be happy? Are we strong enough to go through whatever it takes? Will we hang on the cross and stretch our arms out for love of God and one another? Will we respond to God's call until we have nothing left but love in our hearts?

The next time you go to the Eucharist, picture for a moment that what you are about to hold in your hands is that man, that God, who died such a horrible death.. with happiness in his heart.. not because of his contentment.. not because of his wealth, his power, or his honor.. all of which he could have had... all of which he had been offered!!! No the happiness in his heart was for YOU!   He is there with open arms, offering himself for all eternity for you and me. Will you accept that call? Will you in turn walk forward and give yourself completely to him? Will you once again take that oath as you place God in your body? That is what we are called to do... Are you ready for that? I pray I am ready. I pray not only that I am ready for it each time I step forward.. but that God will make me ready for it, and that he will help me to strive to live the life that he calls me to live!

His servant, and yours.

Brian