Spinning out of control

The past few days have been hectic for me, but I am sure they have been even more stressful for my wife and the kids.   School is starting soon.  That means band camp, volleyball practice, school shopping, and all the various other things that go on to prepare for that.  On top of that, the internet has been acting funky and the cable guy/gal was scheduled to be here today.  That meant I needed a clean house.   I still have this phobia of letting people in without it clean.  So for a few days they've been doing laundry, washing counters and mopping floors.  I was a foreman when working and even to this day I feel the need to tell people what to do, to be in control.

It's hard to relinquish control, isn't it?   To give up everything to God to allow Him to be the one in charge?  How often I think that I know better.   If I were to do this, I'd do it this way.  This moment would be perfect if.... my spouse my be better if.... prayer time would go better if... The thing is, every moment, every person, every thing in our life... is a gift from God.  It is a seed that He has given us.  A seed to be nourished, planted, germinated.... to grow.   In order for that to happen it must be sown... it must be given over to God.  It must be allowed to change, to grow, to die to itself and be transformed.   That means letting go of control... to stop grasping and holding on to what was, and letting God give us what is to be.   Something better.. something we might not be able to see.

Saint Lawrence was an amazing example of a man who was able to do this.   He sold everything that was left after seeing the Pope martyred and then went to be grilled alive.   While they were cooking him over open coals he said something to the effect of "turn me over this side is done."    The modern mine would call this a waste, a tragedy.  A loss.   It was a seed.  A seed that must be prepared to die that something more beautiful could grow out of it.  Saint Lawrence's death while sad and tragic, was the leading cause of the conversion of the entire city of Rome.  Out of his death came life.  Just like a seed in the ground dies but then grows into something beautiful... we must die to our plans, and grow into Gods.

So that is the challenge I believe in today's readings.   To ask ourselves, Where am I holding back?   What am I holding on to?  What has God given me that I am not ready to let go back to Him?  It's easy to give him that which is going wrong isn't it?   To say God this is horrible in my life, I'm giving it to you.. offering it up!  What about the good things?   God my relationship is perfect with this person... but if it's not your will, then your will be done.     That's a bit harder.... To give him myself?  My memory?  My intellect? My will to do with as He pleases?  That I work on.. but to give over control of my family?   My heart?  To be willing to suffer and die... or God forbid.. to watch others suffer and die?  Am I ready to do that and still praise God?  As I watch a dear friend going through the loss of her mother, I wonder... how would I react?  Lord, help me to be the man you've created me to be.

His servant and yours,
Brian

"He must increase, I must decrease." 

A reflection on the readings for The Feast of Saint Lawrence: August 10th, 2016.    Corinthians 9:6-10; Psalm 112;  The Holy Gospel according to Saint John 12:24-26

Called to Freedom.. but at what cost?

A Reflection on the Readings for Sunday, June 26, 2016.

1 Kings 19:16b, 19-21
Psalm 16
Galatians 5:1, 13-18
The Holy Gospel According to Luke 9:51-62

Elijah is sent in the first reading to conscript Elisha into service.  Elisha is apparently not just a poor farmer, but rather from a very wealthy family.   The scriptures record that he had twelve oxen in the field working and he walked behind the last one.  A wealthy family could have one or two oxen, but twelve?  That requires some resources.  Here Elijah  is walking up and asking Elisha to leave the wealth and comfort of his family behind, and follow him in serving God.  Elisha asks for a moment of reprieve to go back to his family and then proceeds to destroy everything he has.   In destroying his equipment and oxen he has secured his commitment to Elijah, he has no reason to turn back now.  

The gospel reading reminds us of this incident as Jesus goes on to talk about the cost of discipleship.   He doesn't paint a picture of ease or comfort.   Many today will tell you that the blessings of God = wealth and comfort.  Jesus often paints a grimmer picture.  He paints the cost of Christianity as taking up a cross, following him, having no place to rest your head, and no time left to make a commitment.   Whereas when Elisha asks for time to go back to his family, Elijah says sure, go ahead.  When one follower asks this of Jesus, Jesus tells him anyone who looks back is not worthy of the kingdom of Heaven.

What's going on here?   Jesus is reminding us that one greater is here, and that the Kingdom is already at hand.   It's not something we have time to wait for anymore.   There is no more urgent time than the present.  While Elijah and Elisha had important things to do, the work of Christ is far more important.   There are souls at stake!  We are called to duty, not in the future, not tomorrow, but right now!  The present.  We must look to the past to keep from making mistakes, we must keep our mind examining the future to see possibilities, but we must live in the present.

The reading from St. Paul reminds us of another truth, that we are called to a freedom, a freedom from sin.  That freedom does not release us from our urgent duty but rather makes it even more important!  This freedom is not a freedom that allows you to choose to do bad things, to simply go on with your life and do whatever feels good and right.   Some will tell you that the freedom of a Christian makes it ok to live your life however you want, as long as you keep saying you belief and trust in Christ.  Trust in Christ is paramount for sure!  But even Saint Paul reminds us that our freedom means being called to love.. called to serve one another, to love another, and to avoid the unclean desires of our flesh.

Pope Francis reminds us today that we, the Church, have a lot of work to do.  We've made a lot of mistakes in the past.  We have persecuted minorities, pushed people the margins, and avoided even entering the homes of those who we felt were 'too sinful.'   This was not the way of Jesus.   He reminds us that Jesus calls us to act now, to go into the field as it were and begin to plow.   We don't have time to look back and desire those things we've left behind.. we like Elisha must burn the oxen and give away the pleasure of it, the thing we desire.   To destroy those instruments that are behind us that want to pull us back in to those habits and sinful desires we once were a part of.  To cut off even those relationships that draw us in, and then?  To serve.  To serve in love.  To serve the marginalized, those on the outskirts of the church, to reach out to those we have pushed away and remind them that we love them.   We still don't condone sin.. but all of us are sinners.    What we are offering is truth... we are offering a relationship with Christ, one in which every person is welcome.. but one which will transform them as well.. one which will call them to leave behind that which is sinful, and to draw closer to the true light of the world, Jesus Christ.

So what about it Christian?  Are you all in?  Or are you holding back anything that will keep you from serving God right here and right now?   The Kingdom of God is not just at the end of time, though it's fulfillment is indeed there.  It is also here and now.. it stood right before men in the incarnation of Christ and offers himself, right here and now in the Sacraments.   Are you ready to receive Him? Or are you looking back?

His servant and yours,
Brian

"He must increase, I must decrease."

Tear Down the Wall

When I was fresh out of college money was pretty hard to come by.  To try to make ends meet five of us moved into this one trailer and pooled our monies to make things happen.  It was an interesting thing.  On the surface one would have called us a community.   All of us professed to be Christians and attended church a few times a year.  We even talked from time to time about the Bible and listened to religious radio on lunch breaks when we could.  The thing was, we shared a home.. but you wouldn't say we were sharing much else.  One of us even had a shelf that contained their stuff.  I remember once when the brother of one of the guys living there drank something off the 'shelf'.   All of us gasped!  That's the 'shelf'!  You're in trouble!  Sure enough, when that roommate came home the first thing out of their mouth was, "Where is my stuff!"

That's a far cry from the ideal isn't it?  In the first reading for today's daily Mass we can see what the early Christians considered the ideal community.  Everything they had was in common!  They shared it all.  There were no shelves, no 'hey that's my shirt', everyone sold any money they had and the community leaders distributed it evenly so that none were lacking in need.  It's easy for me to look back at that living arrangement and pick it apart and say hey, we didn't meet that ideal at all did we?  Yet, if I'm honest, looking at any household today we can often find similar situations.  Someone upset because someone else wore their shirt.   Someone mad because their phone is dead because someone was playing on it when it was supposed to be charging... someone upset because the last thing of ice cream is gone and they didn't get any.   Pretty standard for any family isn't it?

The interesting thing about this reading from the history of the early church is that it's talking about an example for them to look up to.  Barnabas, the son of encouragement, lived in such a way that they felt we should all learn from him.  He sold what he had and brought it to the Apostles to distribute as they saw a need.  As a man who greatly admires Saint Francis of Assisi this truly touches my heart.  How many of us are willing to do that?  We complain every time we turn on the radio and someone is asking for money.  You can see the eyes roll and hear the sighs at times when a priest gets up during the year for the Diocesan Stewardship Appeal.  "There they are asking for money again."   "Why is it everytime I come to church they want more cash?"  "Don't they have enough?" Or better yet, "Why don't they sell everything in the Vatican and give it away to the poor!"  (Ask me about this last one sometime, my answer may shock you.)

Imagine though, another situation... if every one of us who professed to be Christian... gave like we should?  If we opened up our bank accounts and gave 1%, 2%, 10%... 100%?  What if instead of trying to pretend we own the money we earn.. we rather acknowledge that it was all a gift from God?  Then we put our money, our time, our talent, all of it... where our mouths were.   If every person in our Parish gave 10%?  I imagine we'd never have to ask for money.   Rather, we'd see a need and meet it.   This year we saw a need, $6,700 dollars... and we met it.   It took some time, but through some sacrificial fasting, prayer and almsgiving we are going to be able to build a well.  That's beautiful!  That's marvelous!  That's the way it should be!

Yet, there is something more that must be faced.  Lent is not a time to simply change for a season, and go back to who you were before.. No Lent is a time of metanoia, transformation, changing from bad habits to good... Lent is over, but the giving should just be starting!  That's why we as a Parish are looking at raising even more money, giving throughout the year and not just during the penitential season leading up to Lent.  Maybe we'll build a house?  Feed a village?  We are still discussing this as a pastoral council.

The Gospel reading talks about the wind.   The word there for Spirit and Wind is the same word! The breath.... the wind... the Spirit... the word has the connotation of presence.. of life.   When someone is unconscious you put a mirror under their nose to see if they are breathing.. with breath is life.  That's a powerful thought.  Jesus is there in the tabernacle.. breathing.. waiting for you.  Where he is.. life is.   Where he goes.. life goes... Where he is rejected? Life is rejected.  In the Eucharist is all of the life force in the universe.. the ultimate wind.. the ultimate Spirit... God himself. So you are given that gift.. that life.   You receive into you the breath of God.. something that cannot be contained but is greater than yourself.   Are you going out into the world with it?  Are you breathing life?

Some people have told me that when they enter the Catholic church they feel a presence.. like someone is there.. even when the Sanctuary is empty as far as they know.   That's Him.  That's the breath, the wind.. the Spirit..  That is Christ's presence in the tabernacle.. it is tangible, you know he's there.. I have never experienced that in any other church.  Yes, I've found beautiful prayer spaces.  I've enjoyed uplifting concerts.  I've prayed with men and women of many faiths and denominations.... I've never been in any of those churches empty and felt the presence I feel when being before the Eucharist.  That brings me to one other thought... When people meet you, when they pray with you, when they visit you or you visit them... when you converse, when you share, when you break bread together... do they feel His presence in you?  Are people aware of the breath of Christ, the Holy Spirit, in your life?  When you go from Mass at the end, when you are dismissed by the priest or Deacon.. they say "The Mass is ended, go forth glorifying the Lord with your lives."   That's not a dismissal to go back to your old way of life.. it's a challenge to go forth into the world as a living tabernacle, a temple of God... when people are in your presence they should know He is there too... it should change you... and they should know by your actions, words and deeds that you are a Catholic and a disciple of Christ.

So, the question becomes: "If you were on trial for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?"

His servant and yours,
Brian

"He must increase, I must decrease."

How much is enough?

When I first moved out on my own life was pretty good.  I worked several jobs to keep up with what few bills I had.  I drove this old beat up Dodge Daytona that had literally half a million miles on it.  It was so old that you had to be careful where you parked it.  If you parked facing downhill it was a turtle on it’s back.  No amount of friendship could repay the times my buddies had to push me out so that I could get into first gear and actually move the car.  Life was grand, wasn’t it?  I had internet.  Water… Power… I was getting a college education.   Had friends, family, and no one could ever accuse me at any time in my life of looking like I was starving.   I was working three jobs and putting a little money in the bank. It wasn’t enough.

That summer I got a job working as an electrician.  I intended to go back to college and get another degree after the summer... I started making what I thought was really good money.  My beloved cousin Becky and her husband Denver helped me to get a Geo Tracker.  I upgraded to faster internet, got a new computer, bought tools and clothes.  I still lived in the same run down house, and yes.. I was still very bad at managing my money so I never had any.. but life was good.  I had food.  I had a roof over my head.  Had people who loved me.  I was learning about God and going to services when I could.  I worked more and more, further and further away.  Overtime was better money so if I only got three hours of sleep a night that just meant more to spend!  And spend it we did.  It wasn’t enough.

I never went back to college. I got used to making more and more. Life was good. I didn’t realize how great those days were really, until one winter when I didn’t have anything.  As I said above, I’ve never been good at managing my money.  I spend it.  I give it away.  I buy things and give that away.  I consume it.  I like my food.  I like my trinkets and gadgets.  So as I stood over an old rusted out wood stove in the basement of my home, looking around at the walls that were only twigs and ground up dust, I was beginning to hit rock bottom.  I had always been comfortable.  Always had food.  In fact, if I hadn’t been so proud that winter I could have eaten at my mom and dad’s house.. they would have fed me… but there I stood cooking beans inside the tin can they came in.   Eating them with a pocket knife.  They were the best beans I’d ever had.   Hunger has a way of doing that to you doesn’t it?  No power.  No water.  No heat.  No insulation. Middle of winter.   My car was gone, long story that one.  I had my work truck though.  I had my per diem so I could eat during the day.   What I didn’t have was money to keep those comforts I had taken for granted.  

Then God led me to Illinois.  I met a woman who I cherish everyday of my life, and she gave me a family.  My life became affluent, rich, wealthy.    I’m still broke.   That’s the funny part.  I still am horrible with money.  I still spend it.  I still give it away.  I still want those gadgets and trinkets.  What God showed me though is that there is more to this world than just comforts, though I must admit having heat in the northern winter is a very nice thing.  He showed me that love, that relationship, that communion.. that’s enough.  Anything else is extra.

The Israelites were travelling the desert for forty years being led and provided for by God himself.  He poured out mana from heaven to nourish them.  He made water flow from the rock to give them drink.   When they began to complain it wasn’t enough?  He sent quail into their camps until they had eaten enough that it ‘ran out of their nose and they began to loath it.’  (Numbers 11:20)  He poured out his love on them.  Then offered them the promised land, all they had to do was trust.  It wasn’t enough.   God wasn’t enough.  They fled from the task.

So He led them around until they were ready. Prepared them to go into the promised land under the lead of Joshua.  They had been complaining about the monotony of their food source, of the mana itself… so he gave them fresh grain and bread from the new land.  He delivered the city of Jericho into their hand by miraculously making the walls to fall to the ground.  He had just given them this new land, promised them all of it, showed them the abundance of fruit and grain, and promised to be with them.  It wasn’t enough.  

Seven days they were in the promised land.  Seven days they marched around Jericho.  In seven days they had become successful and been shown that God was definitely with them!  For Achan though?  It wasn’t enough.  He wanted the silver and gold of the men of Jericho, so he took it against God’s commands.   Why are we like that?  God gives us more than enough.  When I first got out of highschool and moved out on my own?  I made $25 dollars a day.  I had everything I needed.  No debt.  A car.  Friends. Food.   A house.  Later I was making $50, then $100 a day, then $200… the more I made, the less I had.. the less time.. the less things.. the less friends.. less.   The more material my life became.. the less I had.

I was less thankful for all those things I had when I had them, you know?   I think that was the problem with the Israelites.. they weren’t thankful for what they had.  They had God himself!  He was feeding them, giving them to drink.. and it wasn’t enough.  Adam and Eve made the same mistake didn’t they?  They walked face to face with God in the Garden.  They weren’t happy with that.. it wasn’t enough.  Joshua led them into the promised land!  They were restored completely from slavery, out of the desert and back in right relationship with God! Things were back to normal, back to the way they should have been! It wasn’t enough.

I think we often forget that when we go to Mass.  When we hear this parable of the prodigal son we think, Yeah I know.. the sinner returns.. the brother gets mad.  Guess what though? I think we often have more in common with the older brother than those who are just coming to dinner for the first time.  Have you ever noticed how excited a convert is the moment he gets to receive Christ?  For that moment, if not for the rest of his life, God is enough!  How about for us as we go for our hundredth? thousandth? or even multiple thousandth communion?  Are we happy with it? Do we still cherish it?

In the Gospel the older brother complained because his father hadn’t cut up a fatted calf for him and his friends.  He takes for granted all the mercies and benefits he has had bestowed on him by his father over these years.  His brother has been lost, has not been present to receive dinner every night.  The older brother has.. he’s been fed every day, been given drink every day, been loved every day.  He has had the Father all to himself.. Yet here he is jealous the moment his brother comes home, and refuses to come in.  All of a sudden, it’s not enough!

God feeds us with the true bread, manna from heaven.  Are we being completely aware of what it means to receive that?  Are we taking it for granted that the grace is there every single day? That God is providing for us every day?  True bread, true drink, Jesus Christ himself; body, soul and divinity? Oh that we might never take it for granted, that we might never grumble of those things we think we need more of.. that like Saint Francis of Assisi we are satisfied with the least of all things.. with Christ himself.  

St. Thomas Aquinas wrote his Summa Theologica.  After finishing it he took it and placed it before the crucifix of God as if to say, God? Is it good enough?  He began to pray and listen for an answer.  He heard the crucifix speak to him and say, “You have done well.  What would you like as a reward?”  Saint Thomas replied, “Only you Lord, Only you.”  He is enough.

His servant and yours,

Brian

“He must increase, I must decrease.”

Are you ready? Are you sure?

A documentary I just watched talked about the beatitudes. How that each one called us to a further detachment from the world, and a radical attachment to God. Then it spoke about how happiness, true happiness, was doing God's will... All of that I believe and have thought of on some level...  In fact, detachment is such an appropriate word for how we as exiled children of God should see this world.

I believe sincerely that God created each man with a spiritual void in his heart, one that can only be filled when we are in communion with our God. Just like those little blocks we had as kids, with the ball or cube that had a hole for each one. The star went in the star shaped hole, the block went in the block shaped hole, the triangle in the triangle shaped, etc. We as humans often try to fill that hole with something other than God.. and just like when we were kids sometimes we could shove the triangle into the square shaped hole.. but it had to be beaten in.. and it never stayed comfortably. Sometimes we even had to dig and pry to get them back out.

Thomas Aquinas said there were four attachments in this world that we usually try to fill the void of God in our hearts with. Wealth, pleasure, power and honor. Four of the beatitudes (the negative ones) deal directly with those four things.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3) (wealth)

This one reminds us to not be attached to material things. It is not necessarily a call to radical poverty, nor a demonization of wealth. It is though a reminder that love for money is an evil, and that we must have the right attitude with money. We must be detached from it so that if we are blessed with it, we can reach out and bless others with it. We must have a radical gratitude that makes us want to share that blessing with others. Not so very common in our society.

“Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4) (pleasure)

Here again we see a powerful call to detachment! A detachment from pleasure. So often we think that we have to be comfortable, we have to be happy all the time. We then go out and try to take things in this world and make them make us happy. This doesn't mean that we have to be dour and taciturn, on the contrary, it means that when we are detached from personal pleasure we can begin to see pleasure in our lives by doing things for others, and by serving God. That we can be happy, comforted even, when we are suffering! That we can follow the will of God, even when it means suffering, without fear but with joy!

“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land” (Matthew 5:5) (power)

Ah, in this video by Fr. Barron he described this in such a powerful way. That only when we are weak do we truly have power! Only when we are detached from wordly power, when we are meek indeed, can we get out of the way of God and let him work through us. As he phrased it, free from the addiction to ordinary power — you can become a conduit of true divine power to the world.  Think about that for a moment... we, mere humans, can become a conduit of grace into the world. When we are no longer seeking power... we then can be channels for divine power... wow!

“Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:10) (honor)

The most difficult at all, at least from my perspective. It seems like society calls out to us to have 'honor'. They tell us to strive our best, to always come in first! Our society is so consumed with the concept of honor, that we even give trophies to the ones who come in last or ribbons to those who don't even try. How wonderful a person we must be when we can forget honor, forget reocgnition, forget our own personal comforts and desires.. and put God first? When we can go do whatever God asks, even when that path involves being ignored, dishonored, and, at the limit, persecuted


All of that above is powerful! It's amazing in it's simplicity! It points to Christ as our ultimate example. It's all something that I have pondered in my own words already in my life, though not as vividly or as beautifully as he phrased it. It was the next part of the video that blew me away. The next part that challenged me to be a better Catholic.. to be a better human being. I know we must be detached. I know we must put things in their right context and put God first... but look at this image:

Fr. Barron then contended that the man on the cross, is the ultimate example of the beatitudes. I have  for the last few years of study always concluded that Jesus was indeed the way to live the beatitudes.. his life, what he stood for, his words.. his actions.. But the image in my mind was always the 'happy' Jesus. The laughing man surrounded by children, the loving man breaking bread for 5000+, the praying man with his head covered in linen... all of these was the Jesus who was living the beatitudes to me...

But there he is.. the man.. the God... completely detached from all things. Wealth? He doesn't even have clothing! Power? He's nailed to a cross, he can't even move to defend himself... Pleasure? If you've seen the Passion of the Christ you and both know there can be no pleasure on the cross.. his broken body bleeding out, his torn flesh pressed against the splintering wood! His lungs gasping for breath, forcing him to pull himself upwards to breath.. all the while pulling his nerves against the nails of his hands... His worn and aching body hanging in the sun.. with nothing to drink, no comfort to be had.. no pleasure.. Honor? The soldiers were mocking him, he had been spit on, beaten and bloodied. He was suffering the death reserved for the most heinous of criminals.. for the murderers, rapists, and scoundrels. There was no honor in the cross.. at least on the surface...

So this man here had nothing left. He had none of the four shapes to drive into the God shaped hole in his heart, in his flesh.. but he didn't need it.. because there he hung on the cross.. doing the will of God.. He didn't need any of that, because the flesh that was human just like yours and mine, the human heart that needed something in it to be complete, that part of all of our human flesh that calls out to God for completion... was already complete... he already had God in his heart.. not just because he was God.. but because this man, this messiah... gave his flesh over completely to God's will.

There he hangs.. on the cross. A happy man... Are we strong enough to be happy? Are we strong enough to go through whatever it takes? Will we hang on the cross and stretch our arms out for love of God and one another? Will we respond to God's call until we have nothing left but love in our hearts?

The next time you go to the Eucharist, picture for a moment that what you are about to hold in your hands is that man, that God, who died such a horrible death.. with happiness in his heart.. not because of his contentment.. not because of his wealth, his power, or his honor.. all of which he could have had... all of which he had been offered!!! No the happiness in his heart was for YOU!   He is there with open arms, offering himself for all eternity for you and me. Will you accept that call? Will you in turn walk forward and give yourself completely to him? Will you once again take that oath as you place God in your body? That is what we are called to do... Are you ready for that? I pray I am ready. I pray not only that I am ready for it each time I step forward.. but that God will make me ready for it, and that he will help me to strive to live the life that he calls me to live!

His servant, and yours.

Brian