Musical Chairs

In today's first reading we see that King David had it all.   He was rich.  Powerful.  Handsome.   He had an entire kingdom at his beck and call. Not just that, but God was on his side.  If we were to put it in terms of today's society, David's kingdom would be one where every home had a swimming pool, every person was able to eat organic food, and every child had an Iphone 6 at least.  It was a time of prosperity, the golden age of the Israelite kingdom.  Still, he wanted more.   He wanted a beautiful woman that he had been watching from his towering castle walls.  Only one problem, she was married.   So he had her husband killed in order to obtain her for himself.

It's easy for us to stand back and cast condemnation on David isn't it?  Yet, we are in a relationship with God.  A covenant relationship where God has called us to fidelity.  I will be your God and you will be my people.   Every time we choose something over God we are in essence killing Uriah and stealing his wife.   We are going outside of our 'marriage' to sleep with some other god, some other desire in the place of God himself.   St. Augustine said that "Our hearts are restless until they rest in thee."   Yet, 2000 years later we are still trying to put things into that God shaped hole in our heart.. things that don't quite fit.  They might make us feel better for a time.. but eventually.. eventually they chafe and hurt.  Eventually, what once brought us pleasure simply strikes our conscience like Nathan, reminding us of our sin.   Then we either add more of the same thing.. seek something new... or we can turn back to God as David did.

Fast forward to the scene of Jesus in the house of Simon the Pharisee.   This woman comes into the house and anoints Jesus with oil, washing his feet with her tears, and drying them with her hair.  Simon is indignant.   How could this man claiming to be a prophet let her touch him.   Simon thought that he was the righteous one, he was better than her!  He observed all the law and lived a righteous life.   She had a key to the relationship though, she was seeking God first.  She didn't let rules and norms get in the way of loving God, she just loved Him!  Nothing would stand between them.  She wasn't seeking love somewhere else, she was only after God's mercy and forgiveness, and loving Him the best she could.. with everything she had, even her tears.

Again, it's easy for us to look back and condemn Simon isn't it?  We always want to be the woman in the story, Mary of Bethany.   We want to be the one pouring out our tears on Christ's feet, and being forgiven.  Sometimes that is us indeed.   Other times we are Simon aren't we?  Looking down on others who do things differently than we.  Condemning them for the fact they aren't good enough, aren't dressed right, aren't as good as we are.  "How does she keep her job acting that way?"  "Why did she get a better review than me?"  "Did you see her kids misbehaving at the store?  She should control them better!"  We worry about others at Mass when we should be crying at the feet of Christ.   We let our own desires, our wants to be first and foremost, instead of being content with exactly what he has given us.  We kill Uriah over and over.

Remember, being Catholic is about being in a relationship with God.  It's about spousal fidelity.   My wife and I have been married for ten years.  It seems lately like she's inside my head.  We think a like.  We even say the exact same thing at the exact same time.  I'm not talking a word here or there, but entire sentences.  I'll often laugh and say "Get out of my head woman!"  The more time we spend together, the more alike we become.  I've found that to be true of every couple that have been married for generations.   Not only do they think alike, they begin to act alike, even to take on the same mannerisms.

That brings me to my final point.  Sometimes we are Mary of Bethany, sometimes we are Simon the Pharisee, but we are called to be at all times sitting in the chair of Jesus.  How do we do that?  Well just like with my wife, the more time I spend with her?   The more I think like her, act like her, and even begin to look and sound  a bit more like her.   It begins by spending time with her.  Crying at his feet in Confession, seeking his love in the Eucharist, and allowing His sacramental grace to transform us and lead us to be Him in the world.  This is what it means to be in a relationship with God, to live a Sacramental life.  What does that look like?  It's a life of joy.   It's a life where yes, sometimes we have to rebuke those who are being like Simon and to remind them of the true joy of sitting at Jesus feet.   It means seeking our relationship with God first and foremost, and allowing that relationship to effect every other aspect of our lives.

It also means realizing that every single person out there is made in the image of God.  Regardless of how they are living, what choices they have made, or who they seem to be.  With this tragedy of another mass shooting in the United States of America that's even more important than ever.  We can never forget the dignity and love that people deserve, because when we try to relegate them to not worthy.. when we try to put them as the other... that leads to tragedies.  Instead, it's time for us to stand up and be Jesus to the world.  If every Catholic lived their life in a way that made the love, joy and peace that comes from sitting at the feet of Christ evident, the world would be changed.  Are you with me?  Are you ready to show that love? As I said before... sometimes we are Simon.. sometimes we are Mary.. and sometimes we are Christ... which one do you think we need to be more often?


His servant and yours,
Brian

"He must increase, I must decrease."

So help me, I dropped it.

Offer it up.  Suffering can draw you closer to God.  Just trust he has a plan in this.  Words that I myself have thrown out when someone else was suffering.  How can suffering draw you closer to God?  I had an inkling before these past few pain ridden days, but the clarity that I see with now is different.  I can't tell you how your suffering will draw you closer, but I feel the need to share with you how mine did.

Until the other night I would have told you that the one time I experienced true pain was about seven years ago.  It's a day which I will never forget.  I had just had my spine ripped open by a doctor.  Rods, screws, and various twisty pieces of metal lanced into my frame like a sadistic pin cushion.  A living voodoo doll for someone very unpopular.  The pain was unbearable.  Then I experienced true pain.  Sure, I would have told you then that I had been in pain all day.  After that day though, pain had a different meaning for me.

Just after my surgery they needed an xray of my spine with 'weight' on it in order to make sure everything was bolted together properly.  So they wheeled me, mostly sedated, down a hallway to a room designed to torture and haunt my dreams for years to come.  Over by the wall were two bars... they told me to hang on them.   That's right... put your hands on the bar, we need you to hang all your weight on your arms while we take an X-ray of your spine.  They were not kidding.  So I did as asked.. they lifted me up, I couldn't even put weight on my legs yet... placed my hand on this rod and said ok hang on.. and then they lowered me till all my weight was hanging there.. hanging on those freshly spiked screw holes... twisting through those muscles which had been sliced through just days before.

Everything went white.  I couldn't think.  I couldn't breath.  I didn't know who I was.. or what I was doing.. all I knew was, "I have to hold on to this bar."  So I did.  I don't remember what decade it was that they came back to get me... or how we time traveled back to the present day, but eventually, centuries after the command to hold on.. they pried me off the bar and into my seat.. and I lost consciousness.  Everytime I see that scene in the passion of the Christ where they give him the cross and he embraces it, holding it.. almost reveling in the pleasure of that knowledge that he is holding on... I am reminded of what that feels like.

This time in the ER I experienced a glimpse at the living stations of the cross.  Up until this point it had hurt.. it had hurt bad..  enough that this man asked to be taken to a hospital... asked to be moved into a room with needles.. like a vampire asking for daybreak.  I shuffled in towards the room, a familiar one.. it's our date room... some how they always put us in there... as we drew closer the pain hit.  I gasped a few times, moaning out loud.  Then I couldn't see.  My eyes had become overwhelmed.  I felt the tears going down my face.  I felt the shame of crying out loud like a child, weeping in front of all these people... I gasped out something to the effect of, "I can't do it."  So help me God.. I dropped my cross.  Everything was white again with pain.  I couldn't think.  I couldn't move.  I couldn't speak or breath.  All I could do was stand there and exist.

Then my wife, the living Simon of Cyrene, put her arm around me and said just walk with me.  She moved me into the room and onto the bed.  For eternity I lay there waiting for a diagnosis, waiting for pain pills, waiting for something..  Then the nurse informed me she couldn't give me the medicine they had prescribed because I was allergic to it.  I was going to have to hold this cross again.. guess what?  I dropped it again. I begged her for it.  Please just make it go away!  Do something!  She told me she couldn't give it to me because I could stop breathing.. I didn't care, I said.. that'd be better than this..

Sunday my wife brought me the Eucharist and I felt unworthy.  I received Jesus asking him to forgive me for carrying the cross so poorly.  For giving up. You see, I now know the answer to what I would do if I were on the cross... would I go to my death?  I've always said I hope so.. but Jesus took more pain than me.. and begged for forgiveness... he suffered willingly for others, refusing the wine to numb his pain.  Me?  I cried out for anything..  sure I tried to offer it up.. I tried to pray a rosary.. but the words wouldn't come.. an our father? and nothing but moaning escaped my lips.  I sat musing over this while praying my morning office.

Then he showed up.   At the door.  Offering me communion.  His name was Deacon Mike, but I knew him the moment I saw him.... Jesus was there before me.  I felt shame.  Misery.... I told him that I had already received and he said, "Can I bless you then?"  I acquiesced and he placed his hand on my forehead.  He said in a gentle voice something that I will not forget any time soon.  God has created you unique.. so go forth in comfort living your life with joy as the person he created you to be.  No one else can do it the way you do.  Then he blessed my wife in a similar fashion.  Warmth flooded through me.

Yes, I dropped my cross.  I'm not Jesus.... but you know what?  I've picked it back up.. because he's making me more like him.  I am going to try to carry it with joy.. knowing that through this pain and this suffering I learned first and foremost.. who I am not... but secondly, I am more aware of who He is... and even if I have to drop it 100 times more... I will do so.. if only to glimpse Him for a moment saying how much he loves me.. as he helps carry the load I am unable to.

His servant and yours,
Brian

"He must increase, I must decrease."

Hear the Sounds of Hearts Returning to You

This afternoon and tomorrow morning Christian’s all around the world will celebrate the triumphal entry of Jesus Christ into the city of Jerusalem.   This celebration leads up to Holy Week and Easter, our greatest and most important celebration.  Last night as we gathered together to relive the stations of the Cross, we meditated on what it might have been like for Mary to experience this journey alongside her son.   A mother watching her child be welcome in such a powerful way on Palm Sunday, only to see him a few days later being ridiculed and murdered.  It was so very powerful for me personally, that as we looked up at the wooden cross held high above our heads and read the 15th station, the Resurrection of Our Lord, my heart too felt as if it would burst with joy.   Tears streamed down my face and I found it difficult to say the words, not because of my sorrow but because of the immense ecstasy that I felt pouring out on me.

This morning as I prepared to be a lector for Palm Sunday it struck me again that we as Catholics do that a lot.   We don’t just sit passively and watch someone preach or perform, but on many of our special holidays we relive the events.  We read the entire experience from Scripture with one person reading the narration, another the response of specific people (centurions, officials, pharisees, etc), the Priest reading the words of Jesus, and the entire audience the words of the ‘crowds.’  The story of Palm Sunday to many is just that, the story of one day two thousand or so years ago, in which one man had one experience.  We as Catholics do not see it that way.  Last night at the Stations of the Cross I was reminded of that truth.  At the triumphal entry there were two kinds of people… there were those singing “Hosanna,” and those plotting revenge.    There were those waving palm branches, and those sending daggers from their eyes.

Last night’s Stations reminded me of that.  At each stations we are asked a question, challenged in our walk.   Are you condemning Christ to death in your actions and words?  Or are you bringing instead life and joy? Are you looking on as Jesus begins the walk to calvary? Or are you participating in carrying his cross? When Jesus falls are you helping him get back up?  Laughing at his failure?  Being compelled like Simon to do something you don’t want to do?  Rushing forward like Veronica to comfort and console him? Crying for him but missing the message? Are you stripping him of his clothing and dignity?  Or trying to restore him to the place he deserves? So many questions that there isn’t enough space in any amount of storage to contain the words that could be written about these simple 14 events.

The thing is they, like the scripture and tradition they are based on, speak to us in the here and now.   They aren’t just about the time of Christ, but they are about our everyday life.  Once again I must quote Blessed Mother Teresa as she paraphrases one of my favorite pericopes of scripture:

“At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by "I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless, and you took me in.”

As Christians we see Jerusalem as the early model of the Church.   So when we see Jesus being welcomed and reviled by the same people, we must ask ourselves.. How are we doing Church?  When St. Matthew wrote those words in scripture he reminded us that we as the church must see Christ in every person we meet, not just in the building.  Though Jesus is substantially present in the Sanctuary of the Eucharist, he is not trapped.. Not limited to that place.   He is in every person we meet, every encounter we have is a moment in which we can serve Christ.  So how are we doing?   Are we welcoming them into our lives, into our domestic churches, with fanfare and joy?  Or are we like Simon carrying their cross only because someone forced us to?  Like Veronica are we wiping the face of those who need comfort? Or are we pushing them away?

In our current political sphere we see people who want to build walls, evict families from our presence, even if it means separating mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, infants from caregivers.   How do we reconcile that with the message of Christ?   It is to the alien, the refuge, the widow, and the orphan that we must look for the vision of Christ in our lives.   It is to them that we must give a drink, not pluck their beard leaving nothing but bloody and raw skin.  We must offer them dignity and clothe them with respect and love, not tear apart their clothes and gamble them away for our own comforts and benefits.   We must rush forward to see him as a Mother sees her only child.. To see their suffering as our own.. To be like Mary and see their pain as a sword piercing our own hearts.. That we can strengthen one another.

Yes, we have an opportunity here to help those who are fallen by gossip, trash talk, bullying or teasing.. To help them get back up.. Clothe them with the armor of Christ, the breastplate of righteousness, the boots of peace, the shield of faith and the helmet of salvation. So we must look around and ask those questions of ourselves, to examine our lives every day, and say when I am standing at the water cooler am I building up or tearing down?  When we take a smoke break are we gossiping or edifying?  When we are away from parental supervision and authority figures are we watching things that help build each other up?  Or watching things we know will tear someone down?  Do we glorify God with every breath we breathe?  Or are we letting Him down?

It’s Palm Sunday.  Let us lift our branches both in the Sanctuary and in the world! As you go forward to receive that Sacrament, the Most Holy Eucharist, remember that it's not enough to just receive Jesus.. it's necessary to journey with Him... to pick up our own Cross and journey to our own Easter... That's what it means to live a sacramental life... Not just to receive it.. but to give it away. Not just to be aware of Christ.. but to allow the Sacraments to transform you into a 'little Christ' who then can begin to transform the world. Are you ready for that?

His servant and yours,

Brian

“He must increase, I must decrease.”

Feast of Saint's Simon and Jude

What does it mean to be chosen by God?  Tomorrow we celebrate the feast of two people who not only where chosen by Christ but also suffered martyrdom for their faith.  What can we learn from these readings?  How do they apply to us as Catholics today, 2000 years after they were recorded?

While looking at the first reading I wanted to ask myself, how does that apply to me?  The reading talks about the Apostles being the foundation of our faith.  That the church Jesus left us with was built on them as the base.  That's an important thing to us as Catholics.  We are an apostolic faith.  That is we believe in the teachings of the Apostles, as handed down through their successors, and recorded in the Scriptures.  So we hold to those teachings, we trust in them and we try to live as the Apostles did.  We listen to their testimony about who Jesus is and what that revelation means to us as humans.   We learn from them more about our relationship in this covenant of love that unites us with God as his people.

There is an important thing though to notice in that reading.  The Apostles are indeed the base, the foundation of our faith.. but Jesus is the Capstone.  It is Jesus himself that holds us together in our faith.  Without a capstone an arch, a building, a pyramid.. they all fall.    The capstone holds all the weight. It is the 'key' to the entire structure.  That shows us a very important thing.  We are not a people of the book, we are a people of God.  The book is part of the foundation, it was given to us by the Church, by the apostles.. but the key, the key to the Church, to understanding the book, to our faith in it's entirety is a person.   The person of Christ.  It is through him, through his support, through his guidance and his spirit that we are lead to not only understand our faith (and our book) but also to be able to follow it.  When we try to do things on our own, our flesh gets in the way.  That is why we keep falling into the same sin over and over.  We don't turn it over to God and let him take it away, we try to fight it on our own.  "I got this" we say.  It's only when we humble ourselves, humble our own egos, that we begin to say "I don't have this Lord. I am struggling.  I need you to help me."  We have to make him the Capstone of our lives, so that he holds us together.  Without him, we ourselves fall apart.

Just as the Gospel reading reminds us that Jesus personally called each and every one of his 12 Apostles, even Judas who would betray Him, he also calls each of us into a relationship.  He wants us to step out of our world, out of our comfort, and to build a temple for Him.  A temple of living stones,  all support and held together by Jesus Christ himself.  He has been calling us since the moment of our birth, are we ready to listen?  Are we ready to turn it all over to him? Or will we just sit where we are, afraid to respond?  It's ok.  You don't even have to move.  All you have to do is make Him the Capstone, and he will lead you out. 

The LORD will fight for you; you have only to keep still. - Exodus 14:14 NAB

"Be still and know that I am God," the Psalmist reminds us.    Elijah stayed still in the cave.  He listened for God and found him in the silence.  God has been reminding me over and over to be still, to listen for Him, and then do what He guides me to do.  So my challenge to you today, is to get in some quite time.. some 'still' time with God.  Find a quiet place, away from the sounds and influences of the world, and spend some time just listening for God's voice.   Find an adoration chapel, a Sanctuary to sit in with the reposed Christ, or even just a quiet corner in your home and say "Speak Lord, your servant is listening."  Then be Still.   Listen for His call.  Realize he has already called out to you, he has already chosen you, he is just waiting for you to realize how much you mean to him.

In Christ, His Servant and Yours,
Brian