I did it my way

I’ve told this story before.  The story of sitting on the riverbank of the Mississippi at the White House in Saint Louis, Missouri.   How that the sun was shinning, the birds singing, the river flowing it’s long easy strides.   That I was sitting there meditating on being thankful and how awestruck we should be at the generosity of God.   There I was having this beautiful moment of relaxation with the beauty of nature when the thought occurred to me:  This moment would be perfect if a deer would just walk out of the woods right now.  God had created a moment in which I could encounter Him on a greater level, a moment in which the temporal could touch the infinite… a perfect moment.   There I was trying to be God.

Our first reading shows us that times haven’t changed much in that regards.  Just like I on the riverbank that Mark Twain made famous sought to perfect a moment that was already perfect, the world tries to tell us what makes us happy.   Frank Sinatra once sang a song called “I did it my way.”  In that song he lauds that his life is coming to an end, and that he always did it his way.  Later in his life he was known to complain about the song.   His daughter said he described it as like having something on his shoe, something unpleasant that you just couldn’t get off.  It was too ego centric, too self serving.  It reminds me of that saying the kids have, “I’ll do me, and let you do you.”   You be your own truth, and I’ll be my own truth, and we’ll be both be happy.  Yet, very few of us are happy.

The Saints show us a different way.  In their emulation of Christ they instead put others first.   They put their egos aside and serve God and man instead.   They let their own wants and needs go to the way side.  They aren’t concerned with honor, or glory, or riches or fame.   Recognition at the end of the day is not their concern.   Mother Teresa was once told by someone that they wouldn’t do what we she did for a million dollars.  She replied, “I wouldn’t do it for a million dollars either!”   She realized that the true reward is not in the comforts of this life, but in the joy of communion with Christ.  Not just in Heaven, not just in the Sacraments, but also in each other.  In the faces of those distressing disguises that Christ is wont to wear: the poor, the widow, the orphan, the refugee, the sinner.

Christ on the cross shows us the fulfillment of life.   The Disciples were confounded when He said that it was near impossible for a rich and wealthy person to enter the kingdom of Heaven.  The Jews in first century Palestine, like many of the people today, had a sort of prosperity Gospel understanding of how things worked.   The more God loved you?  The more you had.  The less favor with God?  The poorer and sicker they were.  Jesus turned that on it’s head.  The first, the most honored, wealthy and powerful King of all times and places?  Died destitute on the cross.  The first was last in the eyes of the world, but the last in the eyes of the world? Is first and foremost in Heaven.    That’s true happiness… right there on the crucifix.   A man with no wealth, no power, no honor, no pleasure…. But living out the will of the Father.   Dying in the place of all of us as the greatest act of love in the history of everything!   

That’s our challenge as well.  To die to self that we might serve others.   Not to make God an afterthought… not to get everything else in order first, and then.. After work, health, retirement, vacation, school, kids and all the other things we add in there, to find a moment for God… Rather to put God in their first.. And then place the rest around Him and in His arms… That is lasting joy.

His servant and yours,

Brian

“He must increase, I must decrease.”

A reflection on the readings for daily Mass for Tuesday of the Twentieth Week in Ordinary Time:  Ezekiel 28:1-10; Deuteronomy 32; The Holy Gospel according to Matthew 19:23-30

I'm Not Here to Make Friends....

A Reflection for the Daily Readings for the Solemnity of Saints Peter and Paul, June 29th, 2016

Acts 12:1-11
Psalms 34:2-9
2 Timothy 4:6-8, 17-18
The Holy Gospel According to Saint Matthew 16:13-19

Over a decade ago I was going through a rough patch in my life.  A broken relationship, a house that was falling apart (mostly my fault), debt up to my ears, and a stagnant job that provided no chance of advancement.   As I worked one day I received a call from a competitors company who had heard of me and wanted to know if I wanted a job.   He offered me a company truck, a gas card, more money on the hour, and health insurance.  I went to my boss who had told me a few weeks before that I was capped out when I asked about a raise, and I said here is what they are offering.  I didn't want to leave, but he didn't counter or even argue.. he just let me go.  So be it I decided.

I started the new job with gusto!  I went in working as hard as my body could manage, as many hours as they'd let me, running jobs from the very start.  One job finished, another.. people didn't like me.  I didn't remind about breaks, I told them when I thought they were slacking, and I pushed them to finish the job as fast as possible.   I was making the company money.  As I told my help when they'd complain: "I'm not here to make friends.  I'm here to do a job."   So I did.  That broken relationship fell completely apart.  The power and water got turned off at home.   I went on the road and stayed in hotels.  As far as I was concerned I was successful, I was who I needed to be.  I even changed my name from Brian to Ken for a while, to show the new me.. the workaholic.   The man afraid to face his life.

CCC 2158 God calls each one by name. Everyone's name is sacred. The name is the icon of the person. It demands respect as a sign of the dignity of the one who bears it.

Eventually a man who had weaseled his way in through a chink in my armor took me aside at lunch.  He said he remembered the me when I first started, the one who sat in his truck at lunch time reading his bible, etc.  He asked me a few questions and I answered them, evening pulling out my trusty 1611 King James bible from under the truck seat (and having to dust it off).   He said there he is, that's the guy I remember.  It was a wake up call.   It was who I was meant to be, it was who God had made me to be.  Not that I started slacking, no I worked just as hard.  I stopped being a wall though.  I let people in to see the real me.   I treated them with dignity and respect, and earned some respect of my own.  Soon we were all friends and though I was still completing jobs as fast as possible... people didn't complain as much, they didn't get angry and go to the office in the evenings talking about how much of a jerk I was... no I was being the man I was supposed to be.

The world wants us to remain in those chains, you know?  That a successful man or woman must be one who puts the job before relationships.  The one who gets the job done with maximum profit regardless of who they offend, hurt or cause to quit.   God wants us to be free from the chains of life.  That doesn't mean we don't work, the opposite is true there.  He wants our yes to be yes, and our no no.  He challenges us to put in our time as efficiently and skillfully as we can... but He wants us to do so with joy!  To be the kind of person that draws others to them, not pushes them away.   To do so though we can't just say "I believe" and then go on living as we have always lived.  We must become a new person, we have to listen to the messenger when they say "get up! get dressed! follow me!"  Notice that Peter's chains didn't fall off till He got up!

God gives us a new name.  A new name means a new start!  I tried to do it on my own, by changing the name people referred to me by and becoming the man I wanted to be.   I wanted to follow in my dad's footsteps and be the foreman that got it done, the one who knew how to get the best out of his men.  I thought that meant intimidation.. but it meant camaraderie.     I thought it meant working without care for those around me, but my dad taught me years later it meant working as a servant to those below you.  Making sure they were safe, cared for, and knowing them.  A man who trusts you, a man who feels that bond.. will work harder for you than a man who lacks those emotions.  I never became a man who sat in the AC while my crew worked.  I hated working for people like that.  I was always right out there with them, pulling cable, running conduit, and digging ditches.  Yes, there were times I had to go to meetings or answer questions.. but in between?  I didn't just stand around talking.. I worked with them.. as a brother, as an equal.

CCC 2159 The name one receives is a name for eternity. In the kingdom, the mysterious and unique character of each person marked with God's name will shine forth in splendor. "To him who conquers . . . I will give a white stone, with a new name written on the stone which no one knows except him who receives it." "Then I looked, and Lo, on Mount Zion stood the Lamb, and with him a hundred and forty- four thousand who had his name and his Father's name written on their foreheads."

At Confirmation we choose a Saint who lived the Gospels in a way that speaks to us.   It isn't that we want to become that Saint.. but that we want to follow the same path they did when they were alive.  I chose Saint Francis of Assisi.  He was the kind of man I want to be like, one who showed Christ so fully in his life that other men followed Him.   One who lived life in a way that said I believe what I say, I have the courage of my convictions.  That kind of life strengthens us, it nourishes us.. to be strong enough to do what Saint Paul was speaking about in his letter to Timothy.. to pour ourselves out like a libation.   This life is not an easy one.. it means giving up attachment to all things in life.  It means getting outside of ourselves and letting Christ live through us.  It means living a life with a new name.. a name giving to us by God himself.

Saul was one of the worst persecutors in the Early Church.  He literally ripped people from their homes and turned them in, if not standing by while others stoned them.  He thought he was doing right, he was trying to make a name.  He was getting the job done.   Jesus appeared to him and said "Get up.  Follow me."  Saul became Paul and after years of contemplation became one of the greatest evangelizers to the Gentile Nations.   Simon when left to his own devices would come to deny the lord three times, to flee from the scene of the cross, to raise a sword in anger... Jesus gave him a new name, again "Get up!  Follow me!"  When he began to live the name that Jesus had given him, he became Peter.. the rock, the one who was given the keys to the Kingdom.   The man who when he was crucified asked to be crucified upside down because he didn't feel worthy to hang the same way as Christ.

They, like you and I, failed when they tried to live by their own name.  When they tried to write who they were on their own terms, even when it seemed right in their own estimation.   It was only when they accepted the name given to them by the Word, by He who through which everything was made, both visible and invisible, that they began to live life in Christ to its fullest.  To be poured out like a libation for their fellow man and to enter the Kingdom of God on God's terms.   Are you trying to set the terms?   Are you trying to give yourself a name?   Or are you letting God work through you to build up the name He has written for you eternally in the heavens?

His servant and yours,
Brian

"He must increase, I must decrease." 

What you see, isn't always what you get....

Many years ago I watched this movie about hackers in which one of the young men quoted the bible: "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."  I loved that movie quote.  The thing is, I never would have thought all those years ago that I would have used that very quote today to describe my spiritual journey before becoming Catholic.  I did experience God during that journey.  I experienced his presence, his Scriptures, and even glimpses into his body as kind and loving men and women tried to help me grow closer to Him.  I also experienced the opposite.  Periods in which people would funnel their own hate and bias into scripture and through scripture.  When people would demand you stop asking questions or reading anything outside of scripture.

I think the perfect example would have to be my understanding of the book of Revelation.  For many, many years I thought of revelation as a line by line commentary on current events.  I watched the news to find things that lined up with people in the scripture, events that might have some kind of connection to the Antichrist, the Beast, the Dragon etc.  I honestly lived in fear of those times to come.  Would I be ready?  Would my family make it?  Is there any time left?  Will I be able to stand up to the upcoming 'tribulation' period? I believed our God was going to come and snatch up the Christians and leave the rest of the world behind to suffer in anguish for not choosing him fast enough.  Not very kind of God, and not very lovely to imagine in my mind.

Then I read an amazing book by Scott Hahn, the Lamb's Supper.   I took time to digest the information in that book and to examine it in light of the writings of the first and second century Christians. In a sense, I began to grow up.  I still believe the book of revelation can have things to teach us about the current times.  I also think that it could give us a glimpse into the future, sure.  What I believe first and foremost though is that it is a book written with a preterist perspective that gives us a firm and sincere glimpse into what worship looks like in Heaven.  Not just in Heaven, but a glimpse into the metaphysical reality of what the Mass truly is.  That's an astounding thought isn't it?  This is a written account of what happens at Mass as we all gather together and Heaven kisses earth.

With that in mind let's again read the second reading for this coming Sunday:

I, John, looked and heard the voices of many angels who surrounded the throne and the living creatures and the elders. They were countless in number, and they cried out in a loud voice: “Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches, wisdom and strength, honor and glory and blessing.” Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea,
everything in the universe, cry out: “To the one who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor, glory and might, forever and ever.” The four living creatures answered, “Amen,” and the elders fell down and worshiped.

Think about that for a moment... when you go to Mass and the Eucharist is elevated before you.. when the Priest lifts up the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ before you... that is happening right before your eyes.  The countless numbers of those who have gone on before us are gathered around the Lamb who was slain and calling out to Him.  All of those men and women who you have loved who have died in Christ are now next to you in the pew blessing God with their lips, exalting Him with their souls.   How about you?  Are you joining them in this blessing with your heart?  Are you participating as fully as you are capable with the faculties he has given you?  Do you sing the hymns with the angelic choirs?  Pray with the priest during the collect? Or are you just checking your watch to see if it's time to go?  Glaring around at others judging them instead of focusing on Christ present in a unique and substantial way right before your very eyes?

Just like with Peter, Christ is asking you a simple question when you come forward to Communion.  When the minister raises up the Host and says "The Body of Christ," imagine Christ speaking to you....

"Do you love me?"

How do you respond?  It's interesting that in that encounter Jesus asks Peter three times do you love me, but we lose a hint of it in English.  He asks him do you agape me?  That is do you love me so much you are willing to sacrifice yourself for me?  Do you love me that much?  Peter says I phileo you lord... "I love you like a friend."   Oh how that must hurt.  Jesus asks Peter if he loves him completely, more than life itself.. and Peter responds you know you're my bro man.   So Jesus asks again? Do you agape me?  Again Peter responds you're my bro.. we're friends man.  Then Jesus sighs and asks again... "Do you love me like a friend Peter?"  The Scriptures record that Peter was distressed as he responded "Yeah, that's right.. I love you like a friend."

Then Jesus says to him, there will come a time when you are ready to agape me Peter.. a time when you will grow into the man I have created you to be.. I love you completely Peter, and I accept you where you are.. but I love you too much to leave you there.   When you found out I was dead?  You went back to your old ways, your old life... but that is not what I ask of you... I ask metanoia, change.. So go forth, and take care of my flock.. because you are no longer a child.  "Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”  Jesus was speaking of the death Peter was to experience...  Peter was eventually crucified upside down because he did not feel worthy to be crucified in the same manner as Jesus.

Jesus is asking you the same thing when you come forward to receive the Sacraments.  "Do you love me?"  Think of that when you say Amen this time... are you saying "You're my bro"?  Or are you saying "I love you completely, sacrificially, I will give anything for you."  There is a saying that goes around anytime someone wants to justify whatever their 'pet sin' is.  I hear this so often "Jesus loves me just the way I am."  I agree... but he loves you too much to leave you that way.  He has created you for so much more.. He has created you to be perfect, as the Father is perfect.   That is what "charity" means.. it means loving as God loves... loving so fully that you are changed.. you are molded.. you are formed into the image of God that you were made in.   Are you ready for that?  I think all of us, every time we come forward to receive our Lord and Savior, should be asking ourselves.. have I put away childish things?  It's time for us to grow up.  It's time for us to listen to that final command from the Lord when he says "Then follow me."

His servant and yours,
Brian

"He must increase, I must decrease."